back to work after our visit to Tam Ky

After a grueling 17-hour train ride from Tam Ky, we are back in Thanh Hoa. It was an exhausting weekend both emotionally and physically (though not from exertion, but from the heat and boredom).

We arrived in Tam Ky on Friday afternoon in the heat of the day and, as is often the case for us, there was no taxi to be seen. I called Yen, but she didn't answer, so we set off on foot. The three of us dragging two suitcases, three backpacks, a bag of rambutans and two cases of building blocks. In 38C (100F) weather. Down the main streets of town.

Luckily for the kids, Yen had seen my call and headed toward the train station. Being quite the caravan, we were hard to miss. She pulled over and loaded the kids, their backpacks, and the suitcase onto the motorbike. Stuart held onto the building blocks and the three of them took off, while I hoofed it the remaining half-mile to the volunteer house with backpack and suitcase in tow.

It was perfect timing for the Baby Orphanage, so after gulping down a few glasses of water and introductions between new and old volunteers, we all piled into the new-to-GVN mini-van and headed toward the children's orphanage to get Han, a young orphan who lives at the hospital Monday through Friday in order to get physical therapy. As soon as we arrived, my kids jumped right out and headed to her room. Stuart got to her first and was quite happy to carry her back to the van, where I held her for our ride to the orphanage.

Upon our arrival, I was hoping to be greeted by a sea of smiling faces, but the look was one of shock, instead. Not one of the kids would smile at me. It was bitterly disappointing as I love these kids and would do nearly anything for them. I understand, though, that, one-it's been three months since we left and two-I ditched on them. My favorite, Lan, was obviously angry and refused to give me second glance.

Stuart, on the other hand, was mobbed once again on arriving. Not one of the boys had forgotten about him or was the slightest bit upset. They just wanted another one of piggyback rides. Unfortunately, the stifling heat kept us all from playing as hard as we'd have liked, but Stuart gave it a valiant effort and just ran a tad bit slower than usual.

Audrey ran straight for Kieu, but it was a look of indifference that greeted her causing her heart to sink a bit. She took it fairly gracefully and visited with some of the other children and especially the babies (whose rejection one can never really take personally). Later she gave it another shot and Kieu was nicer, though their tight bond has been, sadly, broken.

After we'd been there about 15 minutes, Mr. Nguyen (commonly referred to by his wife's name.. Mr. Hanh) brought in the suitcase. The kids obviously knew there was something in there for them and crowded around as I tried to unzip it. But before I could get it open and start passing things around, the kids had ripped it open and were climbing over each other, grabbing and pulling things out of the suitcase. I tried to pull them off the little ones being smashed at the bottom of the kid pile, but it took two "mothers" stepping in and yelling at them in Vietnamese before I could get them off enough to zip the bag shut again. The clothes, toys and puzzles were taken to the baby room where the mothers handed the clothes out later. The toys and puzzles were to be put in the toy closet for later use.

We pulled out the jellies (little gelatin sticks) and tried to fairly disperse them, attempting to remember each face as I handed them out, double-checking the other hand to make sure they weren't coming back for seconds before everyone had firsts (which more than a few tried). With the help of one of the mothers, we got them all passed out, though I'm sure there were some who managed to get two when they shouldn't have. But at least everyone got one.

By this point, I was overwhelmed both emotionally and physically and decided to go outside to take a few minutes alone. I realized that my affection for the kids is not reciprocated as I'd thought. We were simply the bearer of gifts and that was the only reason they came to me; they wanted what I had. It was quite a miserable few moments for me as I collected myself and moved back in to play with the little ones, despite my frustration.

Lan had been watching me; I could see her to the side. After sitting on the steps she came up behind the pole in a sort of peek-a-boo game, but without any hint of a smile. It took a while of reaching for her, teasing her and laughing before she loosened up and laughed with me. It was exactly what I needed--to know that she didn't hate me after all, she was just angry at me.

And for a valid reason. We had become pals and then I had just left. And now, I come back to spoil her for a day. Then, like a hypocrite, I leave once more. I tried to find off the guilt, but it sat with me the whole time. She had trusted me once and I'd failed her and now I was here to do it again. It still tears at me emotionally and I hope that our efforts have done more good than harm. I know it hasn't been harmless and that makes me so very sad.

We did have a good time together--Lan, her sister and me. We played chase and the girls nearly kissed me to death at one point. She'd forgiven me for the time being and I basked in their giggles and wide smiles.

The kids, both mine and the orphans, did seem to have a good time in the end, after a few stumbling steps at the beginning. They just wanted to be chased and have their photographs taken and throw toys around. In ways everything was exactly as we'd left, but things were so different as well. Not the least of which was a huge influx of Hill Tribe kids. Not sure why there was a large group of them at once. Did they come from another orphanage? Did a group just decide to get rid of their kids? Was there a bad accident and they were actually orphaned? Who knows. No one seemed to have any idea, just knew that they were here and needed clothes and shoes and toys.

I hadn't realized there were so many kids that were older, so I'd bought more in the sizes 1-4 range. Adorable little outfits plus pants, shirts, and shorts. Kieu and Thu both got the Sam Son outfits. Though they won't know, or care, why they have Sam Son written on their shirts, it makes me feel a tad closer to them. That's "our" beach and now they've got souvenirs from there. The shorts/top outfits seemed perfect for the summer heat, as well. I hope that's true because they were really cute.

For the kids who didn't get anything (because I didn't buy enough in the bigger sizes), I left money with Yen to buy them some clothes from the local market. Hopefully that will happen within the week, so they don't feel too left out. I felt really terrible, but the last time there had only been a few older kids and now there's a dozen or more.

Before switching into their new clothes, the kids showered and though I can't show you photos, I must say they were so cute and so funny running around half- and fully naked dumping water over each other, scrubbing down and rinsing again. I couldn't help but laugh.

After an hour and a half, it was time to leave and we headed back to the Tam Ky house. The remainder of the trip continued to go awry, but we had some fun, as well. We visited Phu Ninh again with Lisa and Naomi, two other GVN volunteers, and the kids had a good time splashing around, though we were shocked to see how low the water had gotten in only a few months. It was at least 6 feet below where it was on our first visit (seriously! check out the photos). I managed to get a bit sunburned (ah, the lovely blistered shoulders!), but the kids only got a slight blush thanks to the sunscreen.

Otherwise we did a lot of laying around, managing to screw up my bank account, eating fruit and hanging out alone. It was an odd trip; everything was so much the same and yet everything was different. A strange trip indeed.

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THANK YOU to everyone who donated money to bring the clothes, toys, books, puzzles, and jellies down to the kids in Tam Ky. If you would like to help out, please contact Children of Vietnam, a group that has twice-early trips to the area to bring donations. And they are always needed. Medicines, formula, clothes, blankets, sweaters, shoes, socks, etc. can always be used and everyone is grateful for the help.