getting ready to move on

We're down to our last week in Tam Ky. I can't believe it. It has been an experience that I will never forget and I think I can safely say that my kids would agree. I am incredibly sad to be leaving when I have only just connected with these kids. If I could find a way to stay, I would, it's not possible. I have to go find a way to make some money, so on Monday morning we set off Ha Noi. If all goes right, I will have a couple of rooms in an expat house waiting for us to occupy. It will be nice to have a place of our own, but still among others. The kids have grown to love having housemates (and someone besides me to talk to!), so I'm hoping that it will work as well there as it has here. Keep your fingers crossed for me in both the housing and job search.

Yesterday saw another adoption, this time with two girls going to one family. The are 7 and 8--one a real tomboy and the other very girly. I think the joint adoption will be very good for them, giving them someone to lean on when things are tough. The adoptive parents are from somewhere in America, but we were not given the chance to speak to them. They were brought in, introduced to the girls and rushed into a room to sign papers. I brought some photos of the girls and their friends at the orphanage that I had taken, then had printed out. They were given to the director who (I can only hope) passed them on to the family. It was an intensely emotional experience for me as a mother. How exciting and scary and wonderful it must be for those parents. I'm sure they have put in a lot of effort and emotion and money to be to this point. It was a bit like watching a baby being born as the greeted each other wide-eyed and optimistic, just the kids are a lot older. :)

The tears tripped over the rims of my eyes and I had to turn away, wiping them, pretending the scene didn't affect me, but it did. It still does. Oh, how I wish I had the ability, the money, the home to take in a kid or two. I'd do it, despite all my assertions that two children is plenty. My two are plenty for me, but when I know these kids and how much they need to be loved individually and intensely... well, I wish it could be me that was getting into that van with a couple more kids. Saying goodbye to them all... it's not gonna be easy. The eyes fill just thinking about it. How I wish I weren't just some poor hick, but actually had the means of helping them.

I can't say goodbye forever just yet. Visits down to Tam Ky will be few and far between (the travel costs are a bit prohibitive), but we will be back.