I'm not a big fan of roller coasters

The real ones or the one that life takes so often. We're on coast right now, trying to make this work.

It looks like the kids and I will be heading southeast of Ha Noi to Thanh Hoa on Sunday. I'll start teaching on Monday. It's a university job, so I'm jumping through all sorts of hoops (like finding a way to fax internationally) trying to prove that I am qualified, academically, to teach there. Finally my university is working with me to get this proof to my employer, rather than working against me. I love PSU, but there are some serious flubs in their 'advising' and it's caused some real problems for me.

The biggest problem was that I was never told I had to apply to graduate 6 months before I actually wanted to graduate. A small factor when you're leaving the country only 1 month after applying.

And my TEFL certificate has yet to show up. It's been sent twice and still no sign of it.

But I think things are starting to come together. The kids are excited to have a place of our own, even if it is a studio apartment on the university campus. It's ours. We can look for something bigger, off-campus, if we decide to stay. But we'll be together more, no more taxi rides across town. I'll be able to cook again. We can get serious about home school, finally. I'll be teaching the same people every day and the syllabus is set, so I just have to jump in and go.

Of course, it's a bit like jumping in at the deep end and hoping I can doggie-paddle, but so far we've managed in the not-so-deep end.

The kids are great sports about it and inclined to try anything. They amaze me with their willingness to just do it and see what happens. They had a great deal of input in this decision, because--really--we could stay in Ha Noi. I've almost got enough hours to afford it and we've seen some great houses. But they both prefer a smaller city, less tourists, less Western influence and calmer traffic. So, we'll give it our best and see what happens.

It pays well and with no housing costs it means I can actually save some money and get to see Tommy in China, after all. So keep your fingers crossed for me (but I guess not if you're in-country because that's a bad sign I was told). We'll do our best.

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Today we're off to the Museum of Ethnology, then (hopefully) meeting up with another single woman (looking to become a single parent via adoption) for lunch, then with a fellow who might take over my tutoring jobs, then my tutoring job. Tomorrow and Saturday, we are finally going to be tourists and visit Ha Long Bay with our fellow hotel dweller. It'll be a busy few days, but soon we'll be settled.

Or that's the plan, at least.

less than a week

The deadline is looming on my "figure out what the hell you're going to do" situation. Six days. Who would have thought it could be this difficult. I guess I'm grateful that it's on the street of Ha Noi, instead of the streets of New York City (though they do remind me of each other). At least here, I can scrape by on $30 or $35/day for the three of us. I could get one cheap meal for us in New York on the that. Gotta be glad for the small things.

I have another job interview this morning. It would take me out of the city and force me to give up my tutoring work. But it'd be in a smaller city, which we would all prefer. Being able to get out, ride a bicycle, sit on the front step without being harassed to buy pineapple or bananas or mangos... those are the things that I seriously miss about Tam Ky. Yes, we were constantly gawked at, but no one cared if we "come into [their] shop and buy something". That's a phrase I've heard just one too many times. Must leave the Old Quarter soon.

Looked at three apartments and one house on Sunday and Monday. I can get the house for $450 and rent out two of the five bedrooms. Sounds like a good deal to me. So if I get offered a job from Wednesday's interview, as well, it will be decision-making time. So, maybe one will fall through and it will make the decision easier.

Either way, something should be going by Thursday or Friday. I'm not so scared that we'll have to head back to the States now. Just need to figure out the logistics of how we stay. (I think.)

The tutoring work is going pretty well now; finally getting into the swing of it. I may even trade off tutoring with the mom of the kids I tutor. She will try to teach Stuart Japanese and I will teach her son English. Sounds fair to me. Audrey's been practicing her Vietnamese a bit more lately and has found more encouragement from the girls at the hotel than we've found with others. Positive reinforcement works wonders with kids, mine included.

Off I go....

lightin' up

Out came the golden (literally) pack of cigarettes. Tap tap tap on his palm. He pulled one out, stuck it between his lips like a pro, lit it and took a nice, long drag. Then turned around and went back up to the slide for one more trip down. The pack of 5 or 6 boys sharing two cigarettes between them, taking turns swinging, sliding and smoking.



I'm not sure how to explain the Western, maternal horror that struck me at seeing kids of no more than 12 years old smoking cigarettes. (Yes, I'm sure it happens in the States, too, but I've yet to see it.) It didn't seem to be too off the cultural norm, either. No one else flinched to see it. Every man here smokes, it seems. Not the most attractive habit, but I suppose it kills the time between xe om riders. But the kids... really. Their lungs should be virginal.

Walking through the Children's Park we had the requisite "practice English with the Westerners" kids. No biggie. They shout out the only English they know "Hello!" and I shout back. "How are you?" "I'm fine, how are you?" He has no idea what that means, so shouts out "What is your name?" instead. I smiled, told him my name and walked on. Always good for a smile.

But then came the kids who only seemed to know "F*ck you!" and kept screaming at each other and everyone that passed, including my children. It was the first time I wish I knew some swears in Vietnamese. I really don't know if he had any clue what he was saying beyond the shock value of it. He just kept pointing his finger into our faces and screaming at us, while his friends screamed from the parallel walk... well, it was about more than I could take kindly. But I managed to get out of the park without me pummeling the kid.

on a tangent

It's painful when a movie hits too close to home. Or, like The Pursuit of Happyness, when it lands on your doorstep. We watched the movie last night, borrowed from a fellow hotel dweller and if it weren't for that lovely fairly tale ending (and the fact that I'm a white woman with 2 kids), it'd be the story of my life. I've also had my car towed away, ran for more buses than I could ever count, lost my home 'cause I couldn't pay rent, lived in a hotel (obviously), had my bank account drained, dragged my kids around looking for work, sold my stuff for any cash I could, raced between school and work, work and school and had an ex that moved to New York and stopped calling.

I kind of half-watched the movie after a bit, horrified at how bad my life, and thereby my kids' lives, have been. I'd forgotten the really hard episodes of the past few years, but this flick brought it all back. Stuart commented on the similarities a few times and I couldn't help but feel at fault even if it wasn't always mine to bear. Thankfully, he has a good attitude about it and we have a good chuckle over comparing our homelessness to theirs. At least we had a car. And we had friends and family who'd let us crash for the night on their couch or floor.

But I've got a bit of guilt still hanging over me. I can only hope that all the struggles that we've had at home and in Viet Nam and all the worse situations we've witnessed here will prove to be "character building" or whatever you want to call it. Maybe they'll grow to be strong, empathetic, and tenacious global citizens.

Or maybe they'll both seek counseling to deal with the scars of their childhood.

Either way, they might be able to make a movie out of it: The Pursuit of Happyness 2, or Running with Scissors 2.

still nothing

I thought we'd found a house, but I can't afford the 3-months plus deposit to get in, so here we are still at the hotel: eating ramen noodles and cold cereal, washing our clothes in the bathtub and dying for some alone time. I put a time limit of one month on finding a job and a house and we're getting perilously close to the end of the month. Just over a week and if there's no house in sight, we've got to pack up and head home. I'm not ready for that, but I'm certainly not willing to live long term here either.

Everyone tells me I can find a place for $300 or $350, but no one seems to know where these places are, only that they exist. I can't find any either, despite trudging around Ha Noi staring at message boards and scouring the Vietnam News and the New Hanoian.

I did get asked to take on the two classes that I taught last Sunday and I jumped at the chance. So, it looks like I'm a real English teacher. For a week or two, at least.

good and bad

My first tutoring with the couple of Japanese kids went great. They were loads of fun, especially the rambunctious little 7-year-old boy. He's great fun, really. Showing me soccer moves between counting doors, windows and desks. His older sister is a bit more reserved but got a kick out of deciding whether we should eat certain animals or put them in the zoo. I had a good time, got a delicious Japanese snack made for me and earned a fair bit of cash.

Then I found out that my website was the foundation for dismissing me as a candidate for the kindergarten teaching position. I hadn't updated the main pages and despite my forthrightness, it seems (though lack of email to confirm it, despite my asking) that I've been removed from the running. I'm quite disappointed in a number of ways. So much for thinking a website was a good idea.

Last night was my first adult tutoring session and it went fairly well, though 2-hour lessons might be stretching the capacity of keeping it interesting. He paid up-front, though, so with the other earnings, our hotel costs for the week are paid. Hallelujah.

Now if we could just find a place to live besides this blasted hotel.

lost

Were you wondering if I'd fallen off the globe? Or if I'd jumped? For a bit there on Friday morning I was considering jumping, but decided to stick it out and things have improved a bit.

Friday afternoon I met up with a group of expat teacher via the lady I'm trying to replace at the kindergarten (she's leaving to have her baby in the States). They were incredibly friendly and bombarded me with information about schools, job prospects, potential students and places to look for rental postings. One of the chicks was nice enough to call the school she worked at for any fill-in jobs and sure enough they needed someone two days hence and would I like to teach a few classes?

Panic set in. Teach? Already? I laughed nervously, then figured I might as well jump into the deep end and go with it. So, today I taught my first class. And my second.

Both were children's classes, level 2 and level 5. They did very well and I had a very enjoyable time with them. The only trip-up was that I was supposed to teach them the days of the week and school subjects, but they already knew them, so it was really just a review. All the activities I'd planned to help them remember were useless, so we skipped them and played a vocab game instead. Yeah, I think I can do this.

This afternoon I met up with a fellow wanting English tutoring and we'll be meeting every evening (M-F) for two hours. Then I will be tutoring two Japanese kids every Monday for one hour.

So, I went from wondering if it would be best to just give up and buy tickets back to the States 'cause it was impossible to find work to being a bit overwhelmed by the availability. Thankfully it will now pay the hotel costs. I'd like to get a regular schedule going, but I've got to find a house and place for these kids to be kids. Living in a single hotel room is proving to be quite difficult for them and it's unfair to expect them to be cooped all the time.

We found the perfect house for us on Friday, but after deciding we'd take it, the landlord upped the rent to $600/mo and required 6-months rent up-front plus a 2-year lease. The kids were thrilled with the place and Audrey, in particular, is heartbroken to not get it.

The search will continue, as frustrating as it is. We need a place and we need it soon. We looked at a shared house today. Have plans to look at one or two more houses in the next day or so, depends on the realtor/landlord. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we find something suitable for us. I have guilt pangs that I need to assuage.

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In other news, we found the best com rang ga in Ha Noi tonight. We know because we've tried a lot of it. Usually the fried rice is too greasy or not flavorful enough or terribly dry, but at Garden --36 Hang Manh-- (just doors up from our hotel... lucky us!) it was magnificent. A bit spendy at 35,000VND, but really worth every dong. We also shared a plate of steamed rice with sweet and sour pork. Everything was delicious; the sauce was tasty, the peppers and onions were cooked just right and the pineapple slivers were the sweetest I've tasted in weeks. A wonderful meal in a nice restaurant (fabric napkins even!) for less than $10US.

too far

One of the only things that bother me about living in Viet Nam is the extreme distance from family. When we lived in the States we were within an hour or so of everyone but my sister in Los Angeles. Now, we're 24 hours on a plane from anyone. A distance that bothers me only intermittently, but today it hit me hard.

My sister emailed this afternoon to let me know that my dad's in the hospital. Yeah, the same fellow who just celebrated his 58th birthday and the one I talked with just yesterday morning. He had a heart attack on Wednesday morning.

He's had a stint put into his heart and he'll be in the hospital for a few days, but my sister assured me that he is fine. I can't help but feel a bit guilty that I'm so far away, unable to visit him or to hold my mom's hand as she ponders the reality of the heart disease that runs rampant through our family tree.

perfect... almost

Another day of job and house hunting.

I met up with a realtor this morning and he was only able to show me one place. I loved it: plenty of space for the kids to play and not be in each other's faces all the time, three bedrooms. a big kitchen, three stories, 2 baths and an upstairs, outdoor terrace. Love, love, loved it. But he is asking $600/mo. and I'm not sure I can do that or how far he could be negotiated down. Not that I could do that with my extremely limited Vietnamese skills anyway.

I walked through the house, imagining the kids running around, doing homework in the open room by the kitchen, playing jumprope on the terrace, myself cooking com ga in the kitchen and it was like a moment out of some movie. Then I came to my senses and asked if he had anything that would cost a bit less.

Audrey came with me and she like it, too, but really wants to see the stacked house and is almost determined that we get it for a short time. But frankly, I'm really concerned about the claustrophobic feelings it's likely to induce. And there's really no area for moving around, something I know my kids need (having lived with them in a single room for more than a week now).

The afternoon was spent having a picnic of PB & J sandwiches and Vinamilk yoghurt at Hoan Kiem Lake, then over to Papa Joe's for the ice cream buffet and quicker internet (downloaded the new Skype). After the kids ate 6 bowls of ice cream with toppings (for 40,000VND), we headed back to the hotel and I used the slow internet to apply for some more jobs: writing and teaching. I've got my CV out to 5 or 6 places now, so I'm hoping something comes through. A couple people have said they'd put me in contact with folks looking for English tutors. Hopefully that comes to fruition as well.

Gotta get some cash flow in or I'm gonna be in a heap of trouble soon.

ever so slowly

I didn't spill my water or say I was impatient or forget to take my shoes off at the door. I'd say the interview went pretty well. I've been known to say some pretty dumb things at past interviews, the worst being when I wanted to try out for cheer and said I was introvert and when asked what I'd change about myself I said 'my tendency to get really angry'. Okay, so that was when i was about 16 and pretty dumb; I have gotten better over time.

This one went pretty well and while I am not completely confident of having the job, I know I have a chance and even an advantage. There is one girl who is unable to speak due to a genetic abnormality. She hears perfectly fine and they're wanting her to learn some sign language... ah, a use for my skills! So, I should know by the end of the week, I hope.

Meanwhile, I tried finding a place to get some business cards made today with my name and number on them, but no luck. The place I had an address for was no longer there. I'll have to do some more searching on foot, I suppose.

I also went and checked out a house for rent. It's do-able, but tiny. It's 5 queen-bed sized rooms stacked on top of each other: kitchen, living room, bedroom, bedroom, washroom. Metal ladder-like stairs go between the floors. I'm not sure if it'd get too claustrophic or how I feel about the safety of kids being home alone while I work and having to maneuver those stairs safely.

We'll meet with a recommended realtor tomorrow and see what he has for us. I'm a bit worried about price at this point, given the fact that we will have to pay three months in advance. That's a bit of cash when you're looking at $400+ month. The house I saw today was only $230/mo. but I'm just not confident about it. If we get a place with 3 bedrooms, we might just rent one out to make the rent a tad cheaper for me.

I just need some pieces to fall into place this week.

Random Ha Noi photo of the day: The misty view of the Tortoise Pagoda in Hoan Kiem Lake.


(Check the ID pic! I chopped my hair off again. Makes for a nice passport style photo, if nothing else.)

a visit to the zoo

A friend had recommended the zoo after she visited in December, so when we had yet another free day to fill I thought it might be a good option. The kids thought so, too, so we had the hotel call a taxi and off we went. I'd prepared myself a bit, knowing that it wouldn't be anything like the Oregon Zoo that we were so familiar with.

The admission fee of only 1000VND for each child and 2000VND for me wasn't a good sign in my mind and I was proven right. There is a definite difference placed on the value of animals and their rights to adequate food and shelter here versus America. The animals were all in small cages with very little to do. There were some logs to climb on and ropes to swing on, but it was all quite limited. I will say it was a step up from the other caged animals we have seen elsewhere in Viet Nam. In Da Nang and Tam Ky, there are cages with bears in them, small enough that the bears can barely lay down in them. The Ha Noi zoo had a bigger area for each and they were being fed vegetables (whereas in the other areas, they were fed rice and bananas).

It was a strange experience, though, and I couldn't help but feel pity for these poor animals. Now I understand why there are groups working to ban zoos.
These three little monkeys were all huddled together, "heart sinking" as my son said. And behind them in the box were a half dozen more, crammed together, though we couldn't decide why. Fear?

Around the edges of the walk, especially on the island in the zoo, there were photographers with their camera bags at the ready, sitting on folding chairs and their framed photos on an easel beside them. Their photos of sweethearts and smiling children attract attention, but if you don't notice them, they will yell out to you, trying to coax you into an impromptu photo shoot.

It was a bit distressing over all, with the local children feeding shrimp chips to the macau monkeys, the elephant chained to the wall, the male deer with his horns sawed off into bloody stumps and the rats running amongst the cages. We left feeling out of sorts and with no desire to return. Save your 2000VND.

payin' for nothin'

They finally succumbed to the "Madam! Sir! Cyclo!" calling and then managed to fall asleep on the costly ride. I couldn't help but laugh, though. Usually the riders are busy taking in all the sights and these two used it to catch up on their sleep.

I hope the nap was worth it.

Coming for wives

I meant to post this a while ago, but keep forgetting. The internet is quick here, so I decided to jump at the chance. An article that appeared in the Times and the International Herald Tribune discusses the influx of Korean men looking for Vietnamese wives. Quite interesting from a few perspectives. The financial, cultural and social reason and results are quite interesting and make me glad to be in a place that I do not feel that marriage is my only option to security. Granted, it'd help, but unlike women in the States a century ago or women in SE Asia today, it isn't my only choice.


(P.S. In the few minutes since my last post, I got a call and will interview for the teaching position on Monday!)

Happy Birthday, Dad!

My dad turns 58 today and I'd post a picture of him if I had better access to the internet. Imagine the Fonz (denim jeans, leather jacket, white tee), but a foot taller and blonde. That's the picture I want to post, but I can't get my computer to access the 'net. Maybe tomorrow. Anyway, that was many years ago and now he's just as tall and blonde, still wears denim and white tees, but lost the leather a long time ago.

We've moved hotels and while I'm happy with it, the kids are bummed. We can't watch "Heroes" here; they don't get StarMovies, they get HBO. They're old episodes, but it's been a touch of home. We watched "Oprah" yesterday, too, and I can't begin to explain how bizarre it is to watch shows piped from the US to all corners of the earth. One day we went to our cook in Tam Ky's house and her husband was watching "Desperate Housewives." Why?! No wonder the idea of what being an American means is so skewed. No one sees the reality of life, just the exaggerated version.

I applied for a teaching position; wish me luck. I've got three weeks to prove myself and if I can't do it, I've gotta suck up and go "home." Keep your fingers crossed for me, though. I want the job.

Brr!

So we made it to Ha Noi and now we are freezing to death. Who'd have thought that we'd need winter jackets scarves and long pants when just the day before we'd been moaning about how we were constantly sweating? We assumed we wouldn't need them in Ha Noi (yes, I had checked the weather report), so we left our jackets and most pants in Tam Ky to be picked up later. We arrived to cool, misty weather and have been fighting off a chill since. Each morning I hope to wake to sunshine and warm weather again, but not yet.

The cool weather has kept us indoors much of the time and finding a place to live is proving to be a bit of an issue. I've checked out the local bulletin boards to no avail. I may end up having to go with a bit more of an expensive place, but don't want to jump into anything before finding some work. So, that's number one on the list. Find part-time work. Anyone need to better their English skills? I'm here for you. :) Need copyediting work? I'm your (wo)man.

Seriously I have to find work by the end of the month or I have to go back to the States. I really hope I can figure something out because I'm not ready to leave and neither are the kids. We really do love it here.

Being on my own makes it harder, for sure. If only Vietnamese men were as eager to find foreign wives as many of the Western men are. Oof!

Which reminds me that the palmist in Tam Ky said that I will get remarried next year to a man of Chinese descent. Hmmm. The kids love picking out the Chinese-looking men for me and yesterday was telling me about the table of (what looked and sounded like) Chinese men sitting behind me, advising me to flirt with the one with glasses "because he looks smarter than the others and his hair isn't as poufy." Ah, kids.

Here's to making it work in Ha Noi for a few more months. -clink-

can't ... quite ... leave

So we were finished two days ago, but it's just so hard to say goodbye. We went to our final afternoon class at the Home of Affection on Wednesday, last morning class on Thursday and our final play time with the kids at the Baby Orphanage just this morning. It was a very hard goodbye for me and I've been an emotional wreck all day.

Jumping from here to Ha Noi is a lot scarier than I thought it would be and everything that I thought I had worked out has, bit by bit, fallen apart. No place to stay, no job, little money. I'm starting to question my decision to stay in Viet Nam; as much as we love it here, I'm just not so sure I can do it all on my own. If I had the cushy bank account I wouldn't be quite so frightened. If I had someone to count on, I would be a bit more confident. If I didn't know that I was toying with my kids' lives, I'd be less worried. I can't and don't have the things that I wish I did and now that the easy part is over (and I thought it would be hard).... well, I'm just not sure how things are going to go.

In other news:

- I lost my stick drive so I can't download the application form I need or the lectures I'm supposed to read and I can't upload any photos and I got some freakin' cute ones, too.

- I finally got to ride a motorbike. Mr Hanh has taken me out twice to ride; I made it back home in one piece both times. I'm not sure I like riding 6 inches from another motorbike, but I did it.

- Stuart managed to get his arms out of the mosquito net again and they are now covered with bites (see "bad bug bites" posting, it's like deja vu).

- Our fellow volunteers for February wrote us a lovely goodbye song... dedicating it to Family Ta-li-sa (Mrs Hanh's name for us).

-I saw a pig that was being butchered and skinned right outside the shop by our house. Ew.

- New volunteers came from New Zealand, Australia and Canada. So at dinner, we now represent those 3 plus America, Viet Nam, Denmark, England and Belgium. Stuart adores the international communication.

- We're heading to Hoi An tonight for some festival.