Of course I worry, I'm a mom.

Buying the plane tickets, or rather deciding about buying the tickets, has got to be the most stress-inducing part. So far, at least. Purchasing tickets for any flight has always caused me serious anxiety; life tends to throw hurdles when I least expect it and, although it has never happened, I always buy tickets expecting that something will happen to cause my trip to get cancelled. The worst that has happened is that I've flown out with little money in my pocket (like when I flew to Boston with $6 to my name or NYC with less than $100). That absolutely cannot happen this time.

I don't want to buy the tickets and have something go terribly wrong and not be able to come up with enough money (because it is a ton of money I have to come up with).

But then again, I don't want to put off the tickets too far or the prices will go up drastically and I won't be able to afford it. All price differences get multiplied by three, which adds up way quick.

But I don't want to buy the tickets that fly into the city on the opposite end of VietNam from where K lives; it's not critical but I sure would like to have him meet us at the airport to make our arrival slightly smoother and because, quite frankly, I miss him and want to see him again.

But K likely won't know until July where he will be living: in Hanoi or HCMC? in VietNam? Does it even matter (to him) that we meet him? Do I put the tickets off until July in hopes that it will? should I risk losing the affordable price fares?

I just don't know what to do, so I keep putting it off. I find tickets that I can afford, then find a reason or five to not buy them. It's the big step that will make this whole adventure a reality and that both thrills and terrifies me. The kids are determined that it will happen, so that should reassure me, but I can't yet get over the fear of actually buying the tickets.

Ah, if I could only put this much mental focus on my studies....

blech

Migraines, financial ghosts from the past and last-minute homework are disturbing my plans and I don't like it.

leakage

So it seems that word is getting out to family that I hadn't intended to inform of our plans quite yet. First my ex-in-laws found out when their son (the kids' father) emailed them, excited about our trip. Oops. So I brought it up and explained it to everyone at the dinner table a few Sundays ago. Audrey had spilled the beans to her uncle, not knowing I wasn't telling anyone. Then on Friday I got a card from my grandparents..."So, what's this about VietNam?" Oh boy.

While I have it all sorted out in my head about the why's and how's, it's still hard to explain and I find myself frustrated by the fact that nearly everyone has assumed that I was planning this simply as a tactic to get K. back into my daily life. What they fail to understand is that he will be 6-8 hours away from us, working full-time. Our contact will be limited by distance and both of our schedules, which seems like a pretty lousy way to do it if I were truly attempting to worm my way into his life. Please. Yes, I hope to see him a few times while we are there. Yes, I love him dearly. Yes, I have crazy fantasies of toodling around the countryside on a couple of scooters with kids riding behind. But I'm pretty realistic, I think, and I know that I need to live my own life and do what is best for me and my kids, as a family. That is what I'm doing.

So I guess I need to write up a letter, explaining my perspective (and including info to bust through all the myths about SE Asia that people tend to hang on to) and send it out to all those relative who will eventually need to know, anyway. Why has it been easier to tell friends than my own sisters?

Pah!

Thursday
After meeting up with a woman about a new job I'm taking on (reviewing family movies), I headed off to school, then work at OLI to make some copies, then back to get the kids out of school early so we could get to the passport office and in line before 3:30pm. We made it, waited our turn and finally made our way to counter. I was pretty sure I had everything in order, but was a bit concerned that I'd never changed the address on my driver's license. As a precautionary measure, I had earlier visited the Dept. of Motor Vehicles to get the sticker with new address mailed to me. If worse came to worst, I figured, I'd get the kids' apps turned in and wait for my address sticker so that my license would match my passport application.

Turns out that mine was the only one she could accept. Come to find out, birth certificates are not all created equally. I had the kids' certificates from their births, hospital records, with their cute little footprints on them. As adorable as they were, it wasn't what was required. They need state-certified copies, something that (of course) requires me to spend more money. -sigh-

We turned in my application, got the form to pay for the fees and money order, stood in line at the PO, got the money order, gave it to the passport office, did my swearing and we were done with my part. So we headed off to the State office where I could buy the certified copies of their birth certificates, at $20 each. We planned to head back on Friday to get their applications (finally) turned in. I went off to Vietnamese class and the kids hung out with a friend.

Friday
I dropped the kids off at school and arranged with another parent for them to be dropped off at OLI because I had a meeting conflict and couldn't come back in time to get them. Then I head off to the fabric store to buy some fabric and notions for two different clients, but luck wasn't with me and my car (which I've only had for two weeks) decided to freak and the clutch went out in the fast lane of I-5. Luckily I made me way off the highway and was able to eek it onto a side street, where I promptly ditched it to run toward MAX (light-rail train). I was able to get the fabric shopping done and was only slightly late to my meeting, even on public transit.

After the kids arrived, we had lunch and headed back to my new home-away-from-home, the passport office. This time with photos, application, certified copies of divorce papers (highlighted and tabbed) and certified birth certificates in hand. The kids stood in line while I mailed off my fingerprints to the Oregon State Police and caramels to a friend's dad. The wait was long, but in the end, successful. We were able to finally turn them in, I signed and swore for the kids. We were all ecstatic to finally leave the passport/post office with no plans to return.

Meanwhile, the car is completely dead again. I've got 4 in-their-home sewing lessons that I am supposed to teach this week, not sure how that will happen without a vehicle though. The good news is that we are finished with paperwork except for the visas (which I'll take care of once we get the actual passports), so it's on to working harder and saving up some cash for this adventure, rather than spending it.

slowly but surely

Having to deal with the rules regarding proof that the kids are mine alone has been more work than I figured it would be. I've visited the court house twice; the first time, the fellow there had no idea what I would need to provide proof. The second time was today and I knew what I needed. I stopped by the passport office at the Main Post Office and asked her exactly what I needed on Tuesday, then this morning I brought in my divorce papers to find out if it was actually what I needed. Yes, every single page, a copy for each kid and certified as authentic.

So, after dropping $23 at the courthouse for said papers, I was set. I then set out to find a place to be fingerprinted. This was harder than the handy-dandy list provided by the sheriff made it seem. After two seedy buildings and wandering dark hallways, I decided I would head to the place I'd seen on the way to school; it was run by a nice Russian lady and only cost me 8 bucks.

I'd brought along our birth certificates, passport applications, now had the certified proof of sole parental rights so after school we headed over to Walgreen's to get our photos taken (the others had gone inexplicably wrong and I didn't want to worry about it). Picture-taking wasn't as easy as it should be: Audrey's head was too small, then Stuart's was slightly too small. Mine was do-able, but the kids' had to be re-taken. Point-click. Oops. The media card wasn't in the camera. Try it again and this time it worked just fine. At $8/2 photos, it racked up another $24 today.

We headed over to Fred Meyer to make photographic copies of the photos, but that didn't work well (cut the sides off of the photos) so said screw it and we'll just go apply. Finally got back to the passport office to realize that they'd closed 20 minutes before. -sigh-

Thursday's to-do list:
-apply for passports
-mail in fingerprints for background check
-send caramels to Ron
-send apron to Robin
-start working on new sewing job
-don't forget homework (again)