guilt can do a number on the mascara

-deep breath-

Today was the last day of school for the kids at M.L.C. This is their third year and we have loved that school more and more each year: the teachers, aides, students. It's just a really wonderful school and has been so good for and to my kids. And today they each had to say their goodbyes.

S. had a small pizza party, mostly with staff members. (He's always gotten along better with the adults.) A.'s class had a little gathering, each child expressing a wish for her. Then she got her gifts: a book about Portland, a pen with the MAX train on it and a deck of cards with individual messages from the students.

-deep breath-

This is where it gets emotional for me. Some of the wishes were simple, "I hope you have a fun time at Vietnam." Others tugged at my heart, "I will miss you while you are in Vietnam." But one just about tore my poor heart out, "We will be miserubl without you." Even now, I cannot stop the flow tears down my already damp cheeks.

The guilt of taking these friendships away from my kids has hit me like a falling piano. Out of nowhere. And painful.

I worry, though, that this will have unforeseen consequences and I can only hope that they are more positive than negative. Our travels will no doubt change many relationships. I fear the loss of many of those relationships. But, I keep my fingers crossed that those who have said that they will stay in touch, do. I know it will mean a lot to S and A. It will mean a lot to me.

-deep breath-

In the meantime, I have to dry these tears and get some packing done. The big goodbye parties are tomorrow and at this rate, I'm going to be a sobbiing heap of woman by the time my friends hug their final farewells. Okay, just one more...

-deep breath-